♥hers

2011-08-13T20:36:00.000-07:00

Been busy with test after test,and upcoming exam.

Starting to learn and adapt wearing tudung..

For the very first time i wore tudung and went out with him to bugis and geylang...

I guess every guy want their gerl to wear tudung...

Especially him die2 wana buy fer me shawl+brooch...

3week fer rayer and i cnt waet to mam kuih muih...hehehe..

this rayer i gona wear purple theme which is choosen by ma family.

Im simply paiseh ppl..can u imagine ma small house is pack with 30pluss of ppl dtg rayer...

Kesian mak aku duit terkopak,satu kelas aku nk dtg rayer baek cine baek mama pon sekaki..

ntah tmpt duduk bus cukup ke tk..ahhaha

2011-07-19T06:08:00.000-07:00

8Weeks(40days) in school and now left with 33more

days.

Back to hospital and end school on the december.

Graduate on february.

Hmm..

Still wonder if i wana further studies??

Straight work?

With the pay one thousand plus++

I would rather become staff nurse and get a pay of 2k +++...

Still searching for the ans..

More worse ma mum want me to further studies

oversea..no way!

oh my i feel old that its time for me

to independent to work or studies..

going be 19 in 8months time..

How i wish im still in nursery..

Learn to sing and enjoy ma life...

2011-07-11T07:26:00.000-07:00

I already told myself in the previous post that would be ma last post.

However i felt like blogging today.

First day of school liao kena told this thursday ma class going to have

nursing practical test..

I was fuxing stress up wah pian!

Tomorrow pagi2 buta dh sim training pecah otak kene pressure..

More worse today first period datang tkd welcome back dh start belajar biology.

aND SUX to the max evariday balek pukul 6 snd start pukul 8...

Argh ma head gona burst...

Dear blogger im gona miss blogging again plus

no more touching lappy...

sad..

No more lala land...

2011-07-09T10:23:00.000-07:00

Had been long ive neva update ma blog..

Can i say this guy here been good to me?

Been pampered to me..

Wear for me roller blading shoe,buy the food im craving,wipes ma sweat,wait for me infront of

ma house gate,cook for me breakfast,baked a cake for ma bdae and the most touching part.

When i realised the meaning of true friends.

A true friends would help you and make your day on your bdaes.

But this guy here sacrifice himself by not eating but instead doing all the bbq while the rest of ma friends

enjoying eating the food.

Sometimes in life theres always the good and the bad.

Maybe when you read this you might be thinking so sweet of him but theres

a certain things tend to be sour.

Its a personal kind of thing but however it is

im really thankful to meet this guy.

And im sorry to say my feeling for him still lost.

Eventhought im fucking afraid to ask a break from him but i finally did.

And seriously i dun even noe whether im doing a right thing..

I guess i finally realised to stand for myself,my feelings,my happiness rather dhen seeing that person happy.

Digenggam bara cintaku itu

Bersama langkah menyusuri waktu

Kan ku terusankan menjadi debu

Debu cinta lantas pupus

Ditiup bayu yang berlalu

Kan Ku Tinggal

Kemerahan terlapak tangan

Menahan kesakitanku

Tertanyaku

Keperitan ini sebenarnya milik siapa

atau hanya untuk terpedaya

So here i am back to square one life.

Lonely emoing at home but i guess thats not the end,

theres two baby at home rock ma days.

Evengthough how desprate i always want to be loved i guess i learned ma lesson.

Just get to make myself busy so that my mind would not just focus about r/s.

Its time i should focus on ma studies.

Goodbye fb and goodbye blogging..

Will be ma last post..

Am going to M.I.A..

Semoga fajar yang wangi

memberiku restu

memulakan langkah ke arah yang direda....

2011-07-02T09:21:00.000-07:00

1more week left with ma holiday..

Im not yet done enjoying ma holiday..

But pretty sure i feel great spending my time with ma seconday school friends..

Really2 missed secondary life...

Afterall i admit i agree with ma secondary teacher that secondary life is so much better

and i really do treasure my secondary school friends..

Maybe because ite friends its a hi bye friends?

Maybe i just not closed or no friends in ite.hahah...

So basically last week had a picnic with ma ite attachment friends.

Supa loved,sharing,caring and concern BUT

a lot of conflict still...

The good thing we neva show it to one another ..

Ma life so far quite settle i guess...

But ma mind and feeling still lost.

Sometimes im being selfish with ma own feeling..

Sometimes i just never bother to give ma own happiness.

Because seeing other people happiness is ma happiness.

This is what im feeling i right now,

totally sorry for myself.

Sorry for myself for being ego,for thinking about others and keep searching and

questioning myself while the answer is already there..

2011-06-25T20:30:00.000-07:00

Finally hurlidae...

But the sad thing 2week jerrr!

So here i am enjoying ma hurlidae with ma secondary friends most of the time, evari single dae...

Wah alot of of money i hap used..

Especially the hair extension which cost 165buck and i end up taking it off in one day..

BUt no regret fer sure becoz i wana try it and wana feel how it is to have long hair..

Ma ans...i would prefer short hair...

LOng hair panas giler!

Basically can i sae i already wash ma hand in drinking eva since ma ex left me and feb was the last time i took it..

Im proud of myself fer 4month i fight ma temptation when ma friend drank infront of me and influenced me.

Plus friends had been asking me to go club but i somehow wana to as supa2 curious

but i always think twice.

Firstly i quit drink.

Secondly friends cannot be trusted especially wen u drunk.

Thirdly i dun wan to get dirty and destroy ma body with stranger touching me here and there..

Like ma frens used to tell me if you know club is that kind of place den u have to bare wif it..

And lastly i will prove to ma brother wrong..

Obviously la,each time i reach home late,his thought i go club.haaaishhh -__-"

2011-06-21T02:40:00.000-07:00

Feeling sad

Feeling jealous

Feeling curious

Untittle feeling

Untold feeling...

Still wondering

Simply lost...

2011-06-14T08:16:00.000-07:00

My partime job..

Trained ma lil niece camwhore...not bad her pose..

lol~

Here i am spending ma time at home babysit^

Can you simply imagine me becoming a mother in future?

Tell me about it...

2011-06-13T05:26:00.000-07:00

Even at times life seem lonely but having this two nephew and niece of mine complete ma life.

Seeing them grow up is like watching how me and ma brother grow up.

This tell me that i hav three baby to look after which include ma hamster..lol..

Shall i admit looking after baby is not easy..they might be seem sleeping 24hr but totali tiring.

Can you imagine every 2 or 3hr they will cry for milk...

You simply cannot do other work but to entertain the baby needs...

2days in A&E ward was awesome!

Baru masok bilik je kene pump oxygen toot2 patient past away...

To many awesome thing get to see..

Usually case pekerja in factory terpotong sana sini.

So simply u can imagine the skin hanging and swing here and there at the bone plus

you can see the vein berdenyut.

Not just that you will see nail kene cabot and Dr put fake nail,jahit sana sini..

cm2 la..ma mum here ma story je dh ngeri..lol..

I simply find it interesting while ma friend include guy lagi tk berani nak see ni seme alasan nilu la,ngeri la..

traumatized la...

Ma mum say dh d ciri tt ma future gona b a nurse...

aiyo knape la mati2 family aku seme nk aku jadi nurse ni!!!!

2011-06-08T19:44:00.000-07:00

So here i am still doing my attachment for 3week while others enjoying their holiday.

Super not nice that ma holidae only left with 2weeks...

Life had settle down abit with those twisting story like i say it takes times

and if they are mature they dont play this game friend dont friend..

However,im love sick..

So sick of love song,so sick of love fight.

So sick of love feeling.

All i want is to be alone,

learning and finding more about myself..

For better achievement in my studies,

in my attitude and so much for my love life.

I do not want to play pretend,i dont want to be sweet talker,i dont want

to give high hopes.

All i want is someone who is always by myside,giving me encouragement,support and

guide me not control me what to do.

Im better off spending my time alone rather to get socialize and making ma life more difficult.

Thats the reason i m.i.a ..

If you cant understand me,crying about me,regreting doing things fer me dhen dun love me.

Im not a doll used people dhen throw away.

When i cant tolerate with you,love pain,i just confess the thruth.

Its up to them to change or i just walk away.

I dun want to be the soft huda,im learning to be firm

even at times im just to scared hurting others or ma own feeling.

But wad to do i also need some happiness,

Its not about patient,sacrife,ego and stuff.

Its about how well u with him going through together.

OK ssssh~

Better zip up ma mouth ..

Before typing to much crap..

2011-06-03T02:34:00.000-07:00

Shall i say that i deleted ma fb.

So stop finding me.Stop wondering why.

Im not childish nor proud telling others wad im doing,at where and whats happeing to me.

The reason why i deleted,as im sick and tired with people being childish bitching around at fb post and seeing pictures and the feeling of jealous and comparing between one another.

Rather dhen i waste ma times hurting ma own feeling with those picture,post and comment,i rather

settle down by avoiding or contacting them.

I admit to much confessing at fb post at times may get more trouble and pictures at time describe everything.

But atleast i feel there somoene at there still bothering ma life throungh stalking ma account.

I may be running away from people all arond me the reason i had enough people twisting the story and bitching about me.

Not just that,showing me faces,bitching infront of me and against me.

No matter how low ma self esteem,i tried to be stronger than those bitches bitching around about me.

Eventhough at times i felt so fear when being alone as all eye on me and those harsh words at time tend to make me weak.

But those feeling really make me numb that i just heck care.

I believe when they are tired they will stop bothering you and people who just bitching around are just jealous and not satisfy with you...

Thats the reeason why,never to be afraid to let out your fear.

It feel so much better to do our own things and give in.

Its not im afraid to voice out but its just a waste of time if they have their own back up and against you.

Obviously you will lose.

Sometimes friend may be good to you but sometimes they might be nasty with you.

So why bother to worry about feeling when you fight with your friends..

If they want to talk to you,you reply,if they dont you just do your own things.

If they bitching about you,let it be,it takes time to get things settle down.

Its ok to cry infront of your enemy because no one is perfect to control the feeling.

Its ok to be embarrassed,its ok to be weak and its ok to be fear.

Its just human behavioural and our daily life activity facing with one another words and action.

Thats the reason why im still able to breathe,even at times i feel like dying,complaining where

people get irritated with ma cemotional story i faced.

Its beacuse even at times when im to emotional and started blaming on others but not myself,

i really dont mean it.

Thus im thankful as experienced i faced tend to show me how human behave and feels.

So no matter how painful you faced or feel in that situation,never ever hate yourself or that person.

No ones perfect or have the power to control what they are doing.

I admit if we were to give in they tend to repeat their mistakes,its ok to be sick and tired advising them.

Maybe not today or tomorrow they going to change,it takes time and alot of effort if we give them encouragement.

Plus no one realized what they are doing and at times they tend to ferget the mistakes they did.

Its all natural how human behave as god create every single human equally with feelings.

Tired of reading ma crap?

Im sure once you read it you tend to say "like real only this huda advise others,she also the same."

I dont mind wadeva people wana bitch about me,see me as wad,this is ma blog,

i have ma rights to share what i feel.

I dont mind if theres no one reading ma blog,its not like i want attention that i create this blog,

atleast i have a place to let out ma feeling..

so peace out^^

2011-06-01T08:55:00.000-07:00

Meet my second anak sedare.

I wana ma child to be white tooo pls2...

But i always get brown bf..sad tau..

Why is it tend opposite attraction ehk.

Dhen i wana b brown den..can?

2011-05-31T09:01:00.000-07:00

I think god have give me the green light that its time for me to wear tudung..

Lately this dream and feeling keep playing on my mind..

But somehow im just shy to wear to it infront of people i know..

Cause i feel like aunty2 wearing it and somehow im worry ma clothing did not match and make me look fat..

Plus im so outdated wearing the trend type of tudung..

But i could not stop laughing when he wana teach me the type of wearing tudung..lol

I sometimes envy seeing gerls wearing tudung their face so suci and berseri and what they are

wearing making them more sweet..

So here im paying back ma fasting,start praying and less seeing him to prevent touching here and there..

I guess i should start with the dont 1st dhen when ma heart is ready i will start with the do...

I guess when im wearing a tudung i dun want to hold hand as we walk, i dun want a hug in a public,

i would rather be single when im ready to change all this..

But ma 1st step i shall do is to sembayang 5waktu once stable,i should try with ma wearing dhen slowly

i will change myself..

If i dont start now,dhen when..we mite neva noe wen the world end...

2011-05-27T17:39:00.000-07:00

Eventhought i have nothing related,we still do keep in touch..

We are like sista you noe.

She always thought me to be firm and especially towards a guy.

Had so much fun karaoke wif her..

We sing like nobody bussiness..

Thanks fer being ma friend,sister and lesbian partner ehk2 kin.hahahah~

See ma butt!

He told me to cut down on ma food..

Evarione say i put on weight!

Oh no~

Maybe im just to happy or maybe not?

But fer sure im happy that he trust me and let me have fun with friends

but at times he just to over protective and to obsess that he always want ma attention 24hr..

But lately we just fight and fight..

It always start with me...

Ma confusion feeling..

When things get smoothly sumhow this feeling just playing around..

2011-05-26T01:52:00.000-07:00

Im super duper touch today with ma patient.

As I was standing , she grab ma hand kissing and hugging me.

Dhen she rest her head at ma shoulder when i sat beside her..

Beside that she gosok2 me and trying to show that she sayang me..

I totally missed being pampered.

What can i say ma mum nor ma grandma neva did that to me..

Especially ma mum,if i were to do that to her,she will scream at me and say she feel

uneasy with it.

So this patient really make me feel the love.

Beside, i feel like crying at times seeing the way they react.

We tend to get the thing we wants so easily however those patient is so much pityful.

Can you imagine how sad it is seeing them want a shade so much that they actually drew it on a piece of paper and cut them and put rubber band at the side..

And they actually wear it..

Now i realized and learn to treasure my things.

Can i say that im grateful to be in this course because i met different type person and they taught me so much things.

So far i realized im starting to learn to be more responsible,treasure and independent.

Keep it up!..

"If you really love me,say it out.

Never to keep your feeling inside because i might not know.

Never to be shy or feel rejected because im a person who neva wants to hurt your feeling.

As so you know,i would rather hurt my own feeling

rather than seeing you hiding your feeling inside for me."

That is why he neva fail to say the three letter word,and

he always being himself.

No matter who gona hurt,he would always be on my side and he

always follow what his heart is telling him and put aside what he gona face after that

2011-05-23T08:46:00.000-07:00

Today i feel like blogging because i wana share ma feeling in imh.

It was totally a nightmare..

But i really experience it alot of times with ma uncle.

Being slap fer no reason,being spilt(ludah),kene tengkeng

plus some other pt at sgh..

Im use to it..

We cannot blame them but to respect them.

Now i noe how the scenery inside and the way they behave.

It was totally interesting..

Dear life,

...................

that day.........

.........................................

he ask me why i still wana go fer him even he have an illness.....

and some other day......

ma mum say im a finding trouble fer myself with this situation im facing..

.........i.....

simply...duno wad im looking fer...

but hes a nice guy fer me even at times we fite..

sumtimes he mite be irritating,hot temper,to obsess with me and super duper rough ...

but i dun mind becoz i chose to be in this situation so i shud nt complain...

......maybe others mite be thinking im desprate to be in r/s but

i neva find love or beg fer love..

it just a gift from god sent sumone to love me.

i shud nt avoid it but to treasure it..

2011-05-16T22:05:00.000-07:00

You make me traumatised..

Am afraid with your touch,

Am afraid with this feeling..

Just because of one shout,one grab of yours

Really hurts me badly..

Am sick and tired with your hot temper.

Never fer once being treated like this...

Am totally in a mess now..

2011-05-14T20:42:00.000-07:00

Ok enough of emoing poem..

Enough of love story..

I wana blog to you something happy moment rather ppl get bored reading

the same old sad story..

So far theres nothing new yet.

Busy with ma attachment NOW at sgh looking after two cubicle which make 12 patients alone..

Evarione hap their own patner except me..

Ya pity me..thats what ppl been telling me include ma lecturer..

But nvm i would just ignore the feeling i felt..

And 23march

here i am going to IMH..

How i wish time fly fast so that i can

start working and earn myself...

Plus im so going to rent a house and stay alone on my own..

I had enough struggling and its time for me to have some freedom.

Secondly i wana to you im so in love with my bby hamster..

Ok no more bby but instead fatty hams...

lol..

Seeing him how fast he grew each day makes me happy..

And hes ma besfrend,

oNE ANd only person i share ma laughter and sadness.

Thirdly i wana post about someone closed by ma side.

Someone who make me believe and feels how perfect i am

till i forget about ma flaw.

Someone who proud of the challenges i face.

Someone who always be there fer me through up and down.

And

i always hope he is healthy to protect me..

And lastly it would be so much better to walk away from the problem we face

and even better closing our eye hoping for a better day..

Sometimes i just ignore the feeling and pretend.

Pretend everything gona to be ok..

And hell ya...

I just hope ma beloved brother will not go through the same what ma dad gone through.

All the challenges i face with friend,family have make ma feel numb and it felt so much better

to just give in and walk away.

But one thing for sure i can't neva accept the fate of lossing the beloved one..

2011-05-10T17:44:00.000-07:00

Selama bumi berputar,

Sampai ke ujung dunia,

Akanku simpan perasaan,

Bertahan,

Dan

Ku kan kuat bersinar,

Mencuba menhadapi semuanya.

Dan

Andainya perginya semangatku,

Akan ku

Lelapi mataku berdoa.

Agar kenyataanku lalui,

Pudar kepada mimpiku.

Dengan itu,

Janganlah kau hentikan airmata ini,

Kerna,setiap manusia itu

Wajar menangis atas kelemahannya.

Dan setiap seorang yang bencimu,

Pastikan berkata

Kelemahanmu.

Kerna manusia itu ada dengkinya.

2011-05-02T09:15:00.000-07:00

We always want thing to be perfect in such a way we didnt realized that we ourself not perfect.

Life is totally clueless for the next minute,hour or seconds and we the one choose the way

how we wana our day..

Basically i just realized friends are just there with you to share laughter and

how bad our boyfriend is,they the one only who is gona be by our side.

Somehow im learning still with ma life.

Totally different adaption with 5month ago..

Will be getting nephew soon in few week plus

new environment with bf.

I always tried to appreciate with what he did because i learnt ma mistakes in ma past r/s.

Like he say let the bygone bygone..

But life is much better now.

NO one control ma life..

Maybe hes not the one fer me?

If he really love me still why he just let go of me?

So yar..

Still young lots more to experience..

But one thing i wana experience to watch and see how people pregnant if only i were

in rafles hospital im sure i can see liao..jialat..

ma baby hamster grow so fast!he damn fat now..

i always fed him ikan bilis..

lol..

so many2 weeks he haven bath..

and ma mum say

ma baby hamster same like the owner messy..

lol..

2011-04-14T03:46:00.000-07:00

It had been 1week and i still haven recover from ma sick.

Having migrane,running nose,coughing and voice gone..

But still went for attachment.

The sweet part that guy neva fails to fetch and sent me home right infront of ma house gate.

I felt bad fer it..if the journey near i dun mind but kinda far from his house.

Justin bieber! im so gona watch making of it but this guy simply not into JB..

aRGH!...

Cinta itu akan datang dengan sendirinya.

Dengan itu janganlah kite mencarinya.

Jika kita tidak menyayangiinya,

Belajari la menyayangnya.

Kerna dia akan korban dan sanggup

Membuktikan cintanya pada kita.

Dengan itu hargailah dirinya

Kerna jika si dia meninggalkan kita,

Akan kesal diri kita pada saat itu.

Dan juga jangan sekali melafazkan benci

Kerna perasaan itu sering pudar menjadi cinta dan sayang.

2011-04-12T07:49:00.000-07:00

I always been wanting the adidas calculator watch but

people say it look boyish...

So what to do instead he bought me the baby g watch..

Well i guess i should appreciate dhen..

I guess he have done so many things fer me..

Sanggup werk to find money to ajak me kua.

Sanggup wait fer me..

Im so touch

2011-04-09T10:31:00.000-07:00

Oh my i think ma mum look totally kiut ..

What make me wana post is that you might neva imagine that going out with the elderly or our parents at

time might be embarrassed,embarrassed to be called mummys pet..

But going out with them and their friends is totally kecorable plus kiut..

going out with them to universal studio is a pleasure.

The reason is that i salute them.

Eventhough they are old and have so many sickness,high bp etc..,

they so eager and not afraid.

Unlike me the youngster and more stamina..

Guess what,i was screaming and crying riding the roller coaster but this aunties plus ma mum were relax eventhough they are afraid.

Well can i say this is the first time on a roller coaster..

Haish~

No more enjoyment..

Attachment liao...

But somehow it was the best holiday i eva had..

Went KL,swimming,karaoke,roller bladding,bowling, &most of all makan is the best..

Pizzahut,seol garden,pastamania...etc

Shukur alhamdulilah kerena memurahkan rezekiku..

Thanks god.

Eventhough i dun hap to werk part time during this holiday,

i still have the money to eat nice and expensive food plus going here and there.

2011-04-06T23:54:00.000-07:00

Basically it was ashiq bdae,so we played bowling &

ate,open table.

Preety much expensive lol~

Dhen we slacked & walked hum...

Fuh penat sungguh^^

I totally love coconut drink..

Plus this march month ive been eating satay fuh more den 10tims..

mampoz gemok!

Weneva in r/s,friends is always affected..

We tend to spent more time with the loves one den our friends.

Sedangkan we noe our friends more den our loves ones.

Our loves one tend to get jealous because our attention is on our friends.

Their reason is that we tend to ferget dem wen we with our friends.

Desipite we seldom see and spent time with our friends.

I damn worry that he have been in and out of hospital.

I dun get it why ma life and love life sux.

Was it ma fault?

But why it hap been always been me?

I also have the right to be happy..

Eventhough he sick,and

discourage me from accompany him at hospital,

i totally felt bad for it.

I felt that im not being responsible but he always told me

that im being disobedient for not listening to him..

I just hope he would not give up fer his life eventhough he suffering a pain.

I just want to see him happy.

I love the shoe^^

Got the same gift from khai^^

I got the total of 3 carebear now fer ma bdae gift

Lastly

I cant wait to go universal studio...

Thanks mummy fer the treat...

2011-04-06T02:03:00.000-07:00

Cinta itu sering hadir jika si dia memahami diriku.

Cinta itu sering hadir jika si dia mengetahui kesukaranku ataupun kesukaanku.

Cinta itu sering hadir jika si dia menjagaku dengan baik.

Cinta itu sering hadir jika si dia sanggup melihat aku gembira.

Aku sukar,ragu,aku takot akan apa yang ku rasai.

Aku ingin cinta itu sering menghormatiku,memberiku semangat,

memberiku kesenangan dan sering hadir bersamaku.

Mungkin apa yang kita inginkan tidak semestinya hadir,

Mungkin ini semuanya hanya khayalanku..

2011-04-03T22:35:00.000-07:00

Hidup itu tidak pernah ada kesenangan..

Hidup itu jugak sering membuat kite kelemahan.

Seperti bulan,

Walaupon die tidak sempurna,

Die sering bersinar dan jugak

dikeliligi bintang-bintang.

Walaupon ia dikabusi dalam kegelapan,

Die tetap bercahaya.

Seperti matahari,hujan,sang pelangi dan semua benda alam,

Begitu jugak hidup kite berpusing tanpa henti.

Menangis seperti hujan,marah seperi petir,gembira seperti sang pelangi yang mewarnai hidup kite.

Namun dikamus hidupku tiada yang bermakna.

Yang bermakna hanya erti bersendirian,kesunyian dan kesepian.

Aku bagaikan bunga mawar yang kering.

Dimana tiada pernah mengetahui diriku ataupun memandangku.

Hanya tangkaiku memberiku kekuatan untuk berdiri walaupon aku sudah layu.

Begitu jugak aku.

Walaupon takdir menimpaku tidak pernah henti,

Aku tetap berdiri sendirian.

Its just a random puisi.

But i guess im weak in it now after fer month or years i have not been writing down ma puisi.

I love writing puisi and related it to flower,animal or environment.

Puisi is the best way to let out your feelings..

Thats the reason why im into it.

2011-04-01T11:53:00.000-07:00

Goodbye march & welcome to april^^

Saw ma result & i still dun get why is it hard fer me to get GPA of 3..ARGH!

Why i kept getting 2.3..

But wadeva it is im happy for rewarded a good progress award..

Cheque euw $400..o.k.b sekejap..

Shud i rebuy again ma itouch?

Ma holiday left with 1week to go &

i still haven find out where is Ang Mo Kio hospital.

Im afraid i will be lost fer ma 1st day attachmnt.

I google it plus streetdirectory but i guess i was totally blank..Lost abis.

Argh cm ne nie????

Ive planned tt if i dun managed to go poly

i shall take 1yr course of paramedic^^

Everyone laugh when i told peeps this..

Because im not firm enough to be in this course..

But i guess i shall try..

I really2 wana sell off ma dresses but im afraid people

will neva buy...

I simply wana get new clothes..

But ma closet is totally packed with old clothes..

Dun feel like throwing it away & totally bored with ma clothes..

2011-03-26T10:21:00.000-07:00

When he start to work i felt lonely now =(

Mira treat us karaoke at bedok point KBOX for 3hrs melalak la ko~

Dhen when he finished work he dropped by and joined the fun.

So basically mira is ma friendster fren zaman dulu but we nev mit langsung till la when i teman he maen takraw and kite bertemu.

She have a very nice voice sayer salute sama die..

Muke buruk seh,sempat tarik menyanyi kelip mata

Haish i damn sad tk g oac camp.

I guess alot of money need to be used like buying track pants,

find sleeping bag seme..haishh..

I totally miss ma oac friends..

Sometimes i felt that im selfish that when a guy love u,

they willing to sacrife not to eat save money or work to buy for her wants.

But isnt that their responbility?

I duno why im behaving this way.

I guess when being with parents they will discipline us and discourage us the wants and the need & save

money 24hr...

But when we with our bf,we can be pampered and only they willing to entertain us.

Thats why i like to be with him.

His the only person who give me attention,a place where i can get pampered.
But somehow it felt wrong when he work overtime and all the effort he did but the credit spend over you.
Cm tk baek gitu.
But i just dont know wad reason to give, take things or a treat from him?

2011-03-23T17:56:00.000-07:00

Bluek =p!

I know how to roller bladding..

wee~

All thanks to bf fer teaching me.

Garang tau cikgu sayer..

I admit roller bladding is awesome..

Sampai blister kakikush and jatuh tk abes2..

Ma holiday was awesome because bf always taught me different type of sports..chey..

Badminton la,swimming,gym..

Awesome...

Buat benda yg berfaedah daripada lepak..huhuhur~

k im totally sleepy after ton wif bf clas pit..

gd murning& now time fer me to lala land

2011-03-21T08:52:00.000-07:00

Omg first type euw i go swimming di pioneer..

now ma groyne seme melecet,dh kene jalan kengkang..

Im proud of myself that first time ni ma life play the slide which is 102m long..fuh^

Sumpah aku tkot height..

Went swmimming with ma secondary besties.

Miss them alot.

Naziyah,sofea,shahirah,lutfinah etc..

Thanks korang fer the dae

So basically ni pic kite celebrate chloe bdae by open table euw....

Ni seme classmate kwn bf sayer..

To be honest i still feel kekok at times with his friends..

But the good things he neva make me feel left out.

I totally love this picture..

I think im starting to love him even more..

Die bukan saja bf saye,tapi,bestfriend saye,dan jugak cikgu sayerr in sport.

Sal lah die mek nursing ye instead sport management..

He taught me how to swim but aru 1st training,ajar pedal kaki ajerr,hand belum lagi..heheh..

Beside that he bring me to gym to make ma bicep shape up..

He wana teach me roller bladding soon..

He wana treat me seoul garden double date nan gay friends ye ehk2..

ahhaha..

Thanks fyaisal for always being there for me.

You have done alot for me.

Korang tau tk bf sayerr tkot nan sayerr..

Ada die katerr sayerr kalo marah muker fierce..

But to be honest,im still worried about his condition.

Lately after hearing you keluar masok hospital

im just scared & when u say you cant tahan the pain u suffered

i felt totally sad fer you because i could not help you.

I just hope you get well soon..

2011-03-20T04:37:00.000-07:00

Do you believe me when i say that the first thing that attract the guy to fall for her is her eyes?

Some like cat eyes like mine..lol!

K im bored but thats what im experience with ma ex plus ma bf.

So basically on saturday sayerr makan besar di lau pa sat bersama si dia.

Motive nye celebrate classmate die nye bdae..

So open table euw..

Mam prawn,satay,sotong,ikan pari,kankong pe lagy pon saya lupe..

so monday saya ke swimming,gym,si dia nye class pit..

tu saje la saya sering uat..

swimming tk bes2 or gym..

saje tenangkan kn fikiran sebelum attachmnt.

Kalo tidak pon pagi2 ke rumah si dia..

tunggu si dia buat kn saya sarapan dan kite joget2 maen game WII...

ahhaha

tkd life sungguh..

Dari berada di rumah rasa bagaikan not being notice gitu..=(

2011-03-17T09:27:00.000-07:00

Front

Back

I simply like the back je..

The depan hancur^^

Penat tau i do myself..

So basicly,went gym,and angkat weigt..

Fuh!

Dhen ma syg belanje makan d bagos..

Berpeluh kite makan..

Actually sayang janji nk uat kn sayerr breakfast but die terbagun..so tkpla

die janji besok nk uat kn..

Each and evari single day he makin swit la to me..

Firstly keep asking what im craving dengan sekelip mata die sudah berada di depan uma sayerr..

But yang uat spoil kiter lum mandi2..ahhaha

Cian abg kite kene tunggu cik adek ni..ahhaha

Cm tt time,i post at fb i wana ate pizzahut & i didnt noe he stalk me and read it so the next

minute he text me and ask me to siap2..

He always make me scared because he always remind me that

he want each and every moment with him to be dihargai..

Im trying ma best to be by his side and pray to god to panjangkan umur dier..amin..

I guess i still have difficulty showing ma love towards him.

Like he sae i supa ego...

heheh~

2011-03-15T20:13:00.000-07:00

Im speechless and im scared.

I get to know that fyaisal have already sign the document that he will not take any donation lung.

That mean he will just leave his sickness just like that.

The Dr even say that his left lung could not function much.

Why is everyone leaving me.

1st daddy,dhen ma brother and now him...

Why not me**..

Im scared as day go by..

Im scared to be happy,scared the next minute,second,tomorrow,year or month

things will be worse.

So yesterday went out wif kin and imah to watch rango..

We were late fer the muvi..

But nvm..

We still enjoyed it..

Go out soon gerlfrens~

So do feel free to watch rango!

Awesome..

Its about believing in urself & dun bother what ppl say about you.

2011-03-14T21:58:00.000-07:00

Am bored,am stress,am extremely sad.

So here i am doing some reflection .

Is donating liver a good idea?

Am totally scared fer it..

Ive done to many sins.

I wana die peacefully and theres alot of things i need to do to repay ma sins.

I haven complete ma muqadam and im not ready to taubat but till when ..

Here it goes ma crap started..

But totally im ready fer it and serious about it.

Because ive been wanting to donate ma organ to those who in needs.

Beside that life had never been a wonderful one fer me.

But 2011 had totally make a big change fer me.

Ive realized to work hard in ma studies and it felt great.

I had learnt not to rely on others and totally felt motivated with

the teacher i got this semenster..

I also learnt to let out ma fear away and boost up ma self esteem did i?

i guess a bit..

When it comes to r/s,yes i admit i go fer guy who have money.

But now i got to accept the fate and a lesson fer me to realized.

So lately this is wad i experienced, patients and sharing with him.

At times it was kinda sad but i guess theres no used to regret about it because

this is what i choosed.

Secondly am worried fer him.

He got a hole on his lungs..

tk pena aku mataer nan org saket..lol

wads if anything happen.got once as we were walking he sudden cnt breathe panic seh...

Wadeva it is kuasa tuhan..kite cume redha je..

&
Lastly ;
Pls make ma family a healthy function family..

2011-03-14T07:18:00.000-07:00

Dear blogger im totally sad rite now& i simply feel sympathy towards ma family.

I was told ma brother hap liver sickness & need 12thousand fer the surgery or sumting to cure him?

Ma mum was damn stress and wandering how to get the money.

She simply dun wan the same thing happen agaen which was once ma dad past away due to liver also.

I have taught through that i wana donate ma liver to him.

I say so because his 2 child,wife and mummy need him still rather dhen i.

I dun hap any responsibility plus no one bother and love me.

So i dun think i loose anything.

Simply this is ma hotel room

& this is the guy room..

I learnt alot when going overseas on my own without ma family around.

I finally realized how ma mum felt when we were on holidays.

Budget is very important.

Money dh cm air..

Mkn je dh puluh2.till barang kite sampai tk terbeli because sebok beli barang family.

Yelah tk beli fer them nanti byk bunyi lak.

But the sad thing fyaizal sacrife tk buy barang tkot tk cukup duit fer me to buy barang fer ma family and

all his duit spent on me..

plus he bought me a dolphin bear2..aww~

Plus kn i learnt to be independent tido hotel sowang2...sape brani cepat bilang..lol~

2011-03-11T08:43:00.000-08:00

Hey peepz! watched big momma like father like son..

It was hilarious..

Yep2 he treat me watched movie..

It was supa long i neva watched muvi,i think the last time i watched muvi when with ma ex..

Yelah no one bother ask me out to watch muvi mah~

Actually wasnt in mood to go out but this guy rite here trying to cheer me up..

So sweet kn buy fer me a cake and chocolate drink..

Dhen as pernormal if drop vivo je die2 must buy sushi at giant or mua cheee..

lol~

I dun go fer sumone who have money.

I dun go fer sumone who have looks.

I go fer sumone who truely understand me & protect me firmly.

2011-03-05T07:27:00.000-08:00

Will be seating fer exam on the 7&8 march.

wee~ HURLIDAE..

Be going KL wif him..him..him..

Will be going camping at skul on the 28 to 30 march..

23march pit..

7 april planning fer ashiq bdae..

Lastly can wait fer ma sis law to give birth..

Wah time fly fast3..

Tk sabar nk graduate on the december..

2011-03-04T03:12:00.000-08:00

Simply i have grown 1yr older this year &

illegally 18^^

Wee...~ can watch movie m18.

I guess i finally wake up and realized i love nursing afterall.

Will be doing my attachment at KKH..

I loikeeee...Babiessss^^^

Isnt it sweet of you to bake a cake fer me..

I simply felt bad that i let you do the bbq all alone and

i left you alone.

But thanks fer understanding.

Thanks you so much fer making me smiling back.

THANKS so much too my beloved mummy fer sponsoring ma pit.

Thanks once again fer looking after me fer 18yr independently.

I salute you mummy~

Overall my pit was amazed i know i invited 30 ppl but there were to many ppl cuming

less food..

Sad rite i noe..

I kene sabo with cheese on my armpit + chili sauce+ ayam slimy2 belum masak on my face..YUCK!..

However i just love the SK TEDDYBEAR NECKLACE + CROCS HEEL..